Hatred
by obsessivecartoonlover
Summary: Dipper and Mabel, one of them more stable then the other. The status may change when Dipper kills himself, leaving Mabel all alone. If she undos her mistake can she get him and her sanity back? It's either that or be doomed with knowing you killed your brother. I'm not good with ratings or descriptions, so we'll say maybe T or M?
1. Chapter 1

"I hate you." Her words took me by surprise and cut like a knife. But she didn't care. Instead, she smiled. This wasn't a person I knew, this was a stranger. It had to be, there was no way she could say that, she was my twin. We didn't hate each other, I mean sure, we bug each other sometimes but that's what siblings do.

So why am I crying? Why does it sting that she said that to me, with no problem whatsoever. Even now, as my sobs grow louder, my twin, _my twin,_ is standing there, cackling. How'd it all end up this way?  
My name is Dipper Pines. I'm 15 years old, on the last day of summer I'll turn 16 along with my twin sister, Mabel. Mabel's the opposite of me, when we first arrived at Gravity Falls when we were 12, she was so excited and happy about it. Even as she's aged she managed to keep her cheerful demeanor. Puberty was pretty kind to her, gifting her with a body with smooth curves and long brown hair almost reaching her knees. Mabel kept her sweaters for awhile then transitioned to tank-tops and skinny jeans with a few colorful accessories to keep the Mabel pep. My sister had also grown very popular which was no surprise, everyone had always loved her. She was great.

I was a different story, as I grew up there was never really any changes, I was still shorter than Mabel and a stick figure. In school I still didn't have any friends except for her, causing me to get depression and anxiety issues. The only highlight of my year was getting to grow to Gravity Falls every year. There people could understand me and Wendy was there! We swapped hats every summer, it was great. Then it happened.

My sister had scored a date with the most sleazy guy in town who was only really interested in Mabel because he wanted to have sex with her. I, however, noticed and tried reasoning with her.

" _Mabel! Just the person I needed to see!" I ran over to my other half and shook her gently, she laughed a little. "What's up bro-bro?" I pulled out my phone and looked through all my messages, then I found it. "Look, I don't think you date Chris. He's just using you for his looks. I overheard a conversation at the mall, two girls were talking about him. He's a womanizer, Mabel!" My sister scrolled through the data I collected about him then chuckled softly. "Dipper, did you forget to take your medicine today?" My cheeks flushed and I pulled the phone out of her hands, "N-no! Why would you say that?" "Because you're being ridiculous! These girls didn't even date him! They're just talking about him!" I paused and thought for a minute, I_ _did_ _hear them say 'I wish' and 'date' in the same sentence. I felt myself turn ever redder. "S-sorry. But I still don't think you should go out...what if he tries something on you?" My sibling gave me a deadly glare, "You idiot! Can't I go on one date without you panicking? I swear this happens every time! Just leave me and my love life alone for once! I am going out on that date!" She shoves me on the floor, not gently at all, grabs her purse and walks to the door, she pauses for a moment and without missing a beat turns to me and throws my anti-depressants at me, "Now take your damn pills."_

I had stared at the door for a few minutes, blinking away tears that I didn't want to come. My sister _pushed_ me. To the ground. Did she even care about me anymore? Was I the problem? I knew that what I told her would hurt her, but I didn't expect it to go like this. It was unfair to me, the way she started to treat me. Throughout the entire year she'd been growing more and more annoyed with me. I released a loud sob and ran to the attic, our shared bedroom. I glanced at her side. She had decided to decorate it with an arrangement of posters and stickers, the side was also covered in her belongings.

 _I could destroy her room._

I could do it. I could tear down everything and throw it out the window, she wouldn't care at all. My conscience was telling me not to do it, but I had to. If my sister would keep messing with me, I'd mess with her. _I'd give her a reason to hate me._

 _I slowly trudged to her side of the room. My hands reached up and ripped off a poster for a stupid boyband. Tearing it apart, I littered it around the room and continued with everything else. My adrenaline rushed as I tore off a stuffed cat's head and threw it out the window. I proceeded with her pillow, bedding and basically everything else she owned. After that, I grabbed a red marker. I chewed on its end, thinking about what to write. Then the door opened. Mabel stared, her eyes watering, "Dipper? What are you doing to our room?" I turned to face her properly. I looked at her then towards the ground. She's on the brink of tears, it's all my fault. I did this. "I'm sorry Mabel. I was really mad and one thing led to another-" "Screw you." Her sadness quickly faded into anger as she moved closer. "You're such an idiot! Why'd you do this? Are you trying to be unlikeable? Because, guess what? It worked."_

"I hate you."

"Y-you don't mean that!" I ran over and embraced her, I felt her go stiff and push me away again. "Don't do that! Don't say you're sorry! Don't blame it on your depression. It's not my fault you're jealous!' "Jealous?" I whimpered and picked myself back up. She laughed, "I know you are. I see it every time I leave for a club or a friend's house or a date. As we say goodbye you look me dead in the eye with pure hatred. You wish you were the alpha twin. You wish you were me. Why? Because I'm likeable." I covered my ears and moved towards the door, "Admit it Dipper. You wish I were dead. Then you'd be the one with friends. Ya know...for awhile I felt bad. I tried not to take it hard. Dipper, I felt terrible when you got depression. I wanted you to be like me and not be lonely or afraid all the time. I tried to stick by you...but people grow up." I opened the door and bolted down the stairs and towards the kitchen. She trailed behind. "I started hating you when we turned 14. You got so clingy and emotional. I could never leave the house without you. And when I finally told you to lay off a little bit, you yelled and screamed and threw a stupid ol' tantrum. Poor little Dipper got all the attention from mom and dad. It made you happy because you knew how much I wanted to be noticed by them again. But you stole them from me. So I started hanging out with my friends more and everything was alright for awhile."

She cornered me in the kitchen. Me screaming loudly, while she moved closer, getting angrier with each step. "Then it all changed. I read your texts to Wendy and Pacifica. You think I'm a _bitch._ Well, guess I am. And so are you. I'll always hate you Dipper. So stop making me wish you were the dead twin." I took a deep breath and Mabel tackled me. Planting herself on my stomach, she started throwing punches, mostly for the face. I tried desperately to hold her back, but I couldn't see anything past the tears and blood blurring my vision. So I screamed. Loudly. My twin slapped me again, "Shut up you wimp!" She quickly stood up and kicked me in the gut so I wouldn't move. I rolled onto my side and threw up. I turned to face her again, this time with a knife. She kneeled down and grabbed my twig of an arm, "I know you think I'm a monster. Here's a reminder so you won't tell anyone I am." She slowly slid the blade across my arm, resulting in stinging pain and blood oozing onto the floor. I screamed bloody murder and kicked at nothing.

 _Someone hear me. Someone. Anyone. Save me from this nightmare. Save me from who I called a friend. Save me._

Thankfully, Wendy walked into the living room, "Sorry guys, had to grab my jack-woah! What's going on in here!?' The older girl charged into the room and forced the knife out of Mabel's hands. Mabel gulped and slowly stood up, head hanging in shame. Wendy slapped her and my twin rubbed the area. The redhead got down on her knees and helped me. She called in everybody.

I was getting fixed up, watching my sister explain everything that had just occurred. The older Pines were pretty disappointed in her and sent her to the attack. They would be discussing her problem later. As for me, I shivered in the corner, remembering everything the stranger had said.

I was living a nightmare now.

At 1 in the morning I woke up. My sister was asleep in the other bed, probably dreaming on how to kill me in the morning. _Don't worry sis, I'll take care of that for you. You'll have no one to hate soon enough._ Quietly, I left my bed, and tiptoed downstairs. No one was up, thank goodness, so I could make an easy escape. I silently reached into the pocket of my shorts and set a crappy note on the kitchen table. And with that, I was out of the shack.

It only took an hour to reach my destination, I'd managed to learn my ways around the forest over the years. Even in the dark I could hear the water moving, always moving. I slowly kept moving closer, it seemed dangerous now. _No, you have to do this. For Mabel._ My hands scooped up two mildly heavy rocks. Heaving a sigh and I stood on the edge of the Gravity Falls Waterfall. I looked down, it was about a 10 story drop. I shook violently in the cool wind, it was now or never.

I took a small step forward and closed my eyes, I let the sound of happy water consume me, I stood as straight as I could and put my hands at my side. I felt the smooth, slightly damp rocks. If this weren't happening I'd have kept them. But I'm not keeping them. Taking a huge breath, I fell forward and everything stopped.

 **Kay, so chapter 1 done! Sorry if it's a bit depressing...I can't write very happy. Anyways, this was a thought I'd been having lately and the show ended so I figured what the heck, ya know? And yeah, sorry about the writing, I write better with my thoughts I personally think but, gotta try. So uh….Hope you enjoyed this first chapter…..more to come….remind me….**


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning came too soon for Mabel. The entire night she had tossed and turned in her bed, rethinking everything she had done lately, how she had treated her own brother. For a brief second, I felt bad. I really did. My brother really couldn't help himself.

But then again neither could she. Mabel couldn't help the rage that coursed through her veins and threatened to rip her apart. But he had called her a bitch. _A bitch._ So why didn't he deserve to be called a monster? Why was he the better one? She was just as sad as he was. But he was better. Dipper was smarter than her. And to her family, that's all that mattered. She was creative, energetic and had the most electric personality, but her parents wouldn't care. Because she wasn't smart.

Letting out a long sigh, Mabel slowly sat up. Enough with the self pity. That was Dipper's job. At the thought of Dipper I fell back down, God, this was going to be a fun talk. Knowing my luck I'll have to go home early this year. But I can't really blame anyone but myself for that one.

Figuring I should just get this talk over with as soon as possible, I got up this time and looked towards Dipper's bed. It looked untouched, he probably slept downstairs in the chair or something. Shrugging it off, I got up and picked out my clothes for the day. A black t-shirt seemed appropriate. And it had a cute little bunny on it, which is always a plus. I got dressed and ran a brush through my hair, thinking I should cut it. Long hair can be such a pain these days...especially when I forget to brush it half the time. Adding my trademark headband, I raced downstairs, bracing for the worst of my two angry Grunkles.

But when I went downstairs, they weren't angry. They were…..crying. My grunkles had each other in an embrace. It wasn't exactly surprising, but it wasn't that normal either. My grunkles were the type of men who never hug, especially like this. What was even weirder though, was the redhead seated at the table. Her hands were constantly wiping at her eyes as she let out frustrated sobs. Wendy's head was missing her hat and instead on the floor. Even though she had bitchslapped me yesterday I felt sympathy. Walking over slowly, I set my hand on her shoulder gently and gulped. Speaking softly I said, "Don't cry Wendy." Wendy practically flew from her seat and pushed me away. I rammed into the countertop and bit my lip, God that hurt. "Wendy…?" "Don't talk to me! Don't you dare talk to me!" Wendy rubbed at her eyes again and repeated her words. Stan pulled her away from me and whispered something into her ear. Wendy only nodded and slowly walked away, sitting in the living room, dazed. My heart started beating as I was forced into a hug, funny, usually hugs were the opposite. I laughed a little and stared at my Grunkle, he looked frail and deeply sad, much different from his bold personality I was used to. "So, what's going on? I usually have to tackle you to get a hug." He stared at me for a moment, like he was trying to read my mind and figure out what was inside. Well, right now, confusion is going through my head. A few minutes goes by with nothing but awkward silence to fill the void. "...So? What's going on?"

"Your brother's dead Mabel."

 **I would love to apologize for not updating this sooner. But I would like to thank those who reviewed my story and give a shout out to Ghost000 who made me realize that I should probably keep going with this story because hey, you only live once. So thank you and I promise that I will update this sooner and hopefully my updates will either by 1-2 weeks per chapter. I'm sorry for the wait but thank you all for being very kind! It's very sweet and is keeping me motivated!**


	3. Chapter 3

The redhead trudged through the woods. Stan had asked her to find Dipper and she had agreed thinking it would be much easier than this. It was not easy. Apparently the kid could disappear when he wanted to. It would be great if he decided to resurface. That'd make her job much easier.

Grumbling, Wendy dragged her axe behind her and marched on, determined to find her friend. He would eventually show up again, Dipper usually did. Still, last night was different. She'd never seen either twin act like that. It was a tad worrying to say the least. Mabel was practically satanic in that moment, a sociopath. At least Wendy didn't let the chick borrow her axe when she had asked. Last night could've been a very different story. The redhead could just picture it too, walking into the kitchen seeing an axe wedged in Dipper's head, blood trickling out slowly onto the floor, something that she would no doubt have to clean up. _God, could you be anymore dark?_

"Yo! Dipper? Where are you?" Wendy called his name loudly again, but no response. She couldn't even hear a gnome take one of their weird squirrel baths. She shivered, that was a disturbing day that she'd rather forget.

The teenager checked her phone, 8:45. Man, she had left around 7 to look for the kid and the only thing she got a response from was the waterfall that refused to shut up. It was seriously getting on her nerves at this point and not easing the tension of the situation.

Wendy walked for a few more minutes before stopping. Something was off. The water didn't sound right. It sounded like the water was being blocked by something, but what?

Taking a step towards the river's direction she listened. Something was definitely in the water. Her heart suddenly started racing, this didn't feel right. What if Dipper's note wasn't him just being over-dramatic? It could've been serious and she just shrugged it off. Oh god, she should've known. Picking up the pace, Wendy went into a sprint for the river. Something was very, very wrong. She jumped into the river, the water clinging to her and chilling her to the bone. The girl's body was shaking as she searched for something, anything. She knew he was here. She knew it.

And she was right. As she looked around, she saw it. A hand just barely sticking out of the water. The redhead grabbed for it, the flesh feeling wrong. She dragged the body out of the water as fast as she could, letting out a cry as she saw who it was. _It'll be okay. I can save him._ She checked his pulse, nothing. She tried performing CPR, nothing. Nothing worked. Dipper was dead. Wendy sobbed and clutched him. She held his head close to her chest. She whispered to him in between sobs even though he was gone. The redhead grabbed her phone and called Stan, before he could even answer she exploded. She was a sobbing mess who could barely breathe as her friend lay dead in her arms. All she could do was wait.

 **I don't like this chapter. Eh, whatever. Once again, I apologize. I'll try to keep going though. I can promise that much. So I'll just thank you all for keeping patient and sticking with this and me. It is very kind and you are good people. I'm thinking about making a Dipper and Pacifica oneshot too. Should I do that? Anyways, g'day!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's a warning for ya, this chapter is pretty dark and mature. If you're under let's say like 12 or 13 then do not read this chapter.**

I feel depressed. It's been a year since he died and I still feel sad. They're getting worried. So worrying to have a teenage girl be sad about her dead twin. Especially when he committed suicide because of me. They're thinking that I'm over-reacting. This obviously isn't normal. I mean, it's just that my brother died...not a big deal.

Maybe I should be celebrating, look on the bright side of this. The nerd that ruined my life is finally out of my hair. No more having to compete for attention. If anything, it's made my life better. More boys have been asking me out, sure most of them were doing it out of pity or because they think I'd be an easy fuck because of grief, but hey, I'm not complaining. Either way I'll be temporarily happy in the end. I've also been offered basically anything I've wanted, I was the lead in the school play and I've gotten every solo for chorus. Dipper dying has been the thing I needed to get me out of this slump! Everything's been so easy and everyone's been so nice! Pacifica sends me presents all the time "just because", Candy and Grenda got to visit me for a week "just because". All this empathy actually makes things better for me. Definitely makes me forget about my pathetic self.

Still, all that emptiness comes back to suckerpunch me in the gut. I can fake happiness but I still do feel. Every day is like I don't feel anything but yet I feel everything. That nothing I do affects me but it does. That every agreement to go out is a betrayal to somebody but not going is another one. All I know is that I feel sad. And I can't change that. I can't go out partying and expect to feel good. I can't expect to get the old Mabel back. No matter how hard I try. And surprisingly, having sex with random guys I just met won't bring Dipper back. But I sure can hope it will.

Which brings me back to the now, currently getting felt up in the backseat of a car. I hope the whole glassy eyes and dead stare is working for him considering that's all I've been doing. Although this is Gideon after all, so to him, just getting this far is doing something for him I bet. Judging by the boner he's not even attempting to hide, I'm guessing he's pretty happy. I'm sure as hell not, but who knows? Maybe sex with the dwarf will make me happy. So I lean in, my hand slowly making its way for his zipper. He unsnaps my bra and I shimmy out of my skirt. I take off my shirt and watch him remove his clothes. I think I might regret this, but I can't stop now. This is what takes the pain away and I want the pain to go away.

"That was amazing." "It was...something." Everything is awkward as I put my clothes back on. I feel….dirty. He just watches me, making everything more awkward. This was probably the worst I've felt in a long time. I don't know if it's because the sex was bad or because I fucked one of Dipper's arch-enemies."Well, thanks for...whatever that was. But I should go." I go to open the door but he grabs my hand. "Wait, we can do it again if you'd like." His eyes are full of lust, eyeing me up and down. "I'm fine Gideon. I should really go." Again, I move to open the door but his grip on my hand tightens. "Gideon. I need to go." I try and pull my hand away but he won't let go. "Why Mabel, after that experience you should stay. After all, what's the fun in only one go?" "No Gideon." Another tug, he just laughs. "Oh Mabel. You can't just show up, begging to make love with widdle ol' me-" "Don't say that. It makes me sound like a pedofile. I also did not _beg._ " "Whatever you say darling. Either way, I'm not gonna let you leave after that." "Gideon if you think I'll just melt into puddy and fuck you then something's wrong with ya. Now I have to go so goodbye." Before I can make another attempt at mistake the freak punches me. I feel dizzy and foggy. I don't even notice him ripping off my clothes until it's too late. My underwear is somewhere in the car and he's quickly removing his clothes. I try to talk but he just punches me again, I try to move and I get punched again. Tears prick my eyes as I already feel him inside me. Gideon moans loudly in my ear, obviously feeling nothing but pleasure out of what he's doing to me. He quickly finishes while I just lay there and cry. I let him feel me up again, let his fingers roam. I need something, anything, I just need some pleasure out of this. I let him go in for a few more rounds, He finishes every time, while I only finish once. Gideon eventually exhausts himself and we both just stare at each other. "Now, Mabel, I told you it's more fun with more than just one go. Don't try and act sad, I know you loved it." "I don't enjoy a bad fuck like you. I hardly even knew you were there with your tiny dick." He chuckles, "Oh I'm sorry darling, do we want more special attention?" I sit up and glare at him, how I wish looks could kill. "No Gideon. You fucking raped me you piece of shit. I don't need more special attention I just need to go." "Now darling you don't mean that.." His hands start wandering down, first to my chest, then lower. He kisses me sensually and for one second, I enjoy it. Then I remember it's Gideon and I fucking punch that son of a bitch in the face. His first reaction is shock, then anger. He grabs my hands and leans in towards my face. "You will be mine." He socks me in the face, taking the opportunity to force his lips against mine. "You will be mine and you will love me Mabel Pines!" Then he rapes me again. And all I can do is scream.

By the time he falls asleep, it's the next morning. I spend an hour crying to myself before putting my clothes back on and leaving. My walk is spent in self-pity, the previous night's events replaying in my head. It'd probably take a month to get that baby-powder smell to go away. I feel sore everywhere and my head feels tired. I think back to showing up at his house and asking him to go out for awhile. All I had wanted was a distraction from the Mystery Shack. From my Grunkles, from Wendy, from Dipper. I wanted them to disappear for just a little bit. Instead I caused way too many problems for myself. The only reason I was allowed back in Gravity Falls this year was because it would keep me out of trouble. Meanwhile I just fucked a sociopath who hates my family. Totally not in any trouble.

I go home and cry in my room. I refuse to leave my bed as I just sob uncontrollably. All I can hear is Gideon's moaning, all I can see and hear is Wendy's disapproval of me, all I can imagine is Dipper being disgusted with how his sister turned out. So I sit and cry and wait for the pain to leave a little bit. I consider my options, I could tell somebody about this, I could not or I could look for another pleasure source. I choose the third, searching my date records I realize that anyone I really know is dating somebody, related, a girl or Gideon. I could always just call him up again, but I shouldn't, that would be me creating the same problem again. So for now I'll just settle for crying, self-pity and the occasional masturbation.

No one comes up to ask if I'm okay anymore. I will admit that it's getting rather lonely. Basically everyone I know hates me at this point, not that I can blame them. I am a cold-hearted bitch after all. I'm getting a little stir-crazy. Even bitches need company once in awhile. So, in an attempt to make myself even a little happy, I'll attempt to go downstairs and visit with people.

I walk downstairs and smile. "Grunkle Stan? Ford? Can we go to the diner...later…?" My eyes find themselves glued to a certain white-haired dwarf. I watch Gideon as he smiles and praises Stan about how great his grand-niece is at giving blow-jobs. How she just blew him away. Stan looks furious and ready to kill the kid. I slowly approach and Gideon greets me, "Why hello Mabel! I was just here informing Stan about our little rendez-vous the other night! Why don't you tell him about how you showed me your tits! He'll loooove that part, sure know that I did!" He chuckles and elbows a flustered Stan. My cheeks flush as he just stares at me, horror-stricken. "Grunkle Stan, I can explain everything-" "Go in the gift shop." "But-" "Go in the fucking gift shop Mabel!" I quickly run away, ignoring the tears that slide down my cheeks.

At the cash register is Wendy with a happy little smirk. "Hey Mabel, I hear Robbie and Tambry are looking for someone to have a threesome with...you interested?" She laughs, but in her eyes I see the grudge she holds against me. She never forgave me for killing Dipper. "Wendy…" "Don't worry, I gave out your number to a few guys to entertain you. I know how much you like to be entertained. Gotta be boring just doing it yourself after awhile…" I stare wide-eyed and hope she doesn't notice how off-guard I look, my face is probably red from embarrassment. Did my grunkles hear it too? She laughs again and I quickly run from her.

I end up in Grunkle Ford's 'lair' of sorts and search for something. I need it badly, it'll fix everything. I just need Dipper back and I can get him back using it. I need to find Journal Number 3.

 **Ha...is it bad that I really like this chapter? It was just so interesting to write...but yes, it's a tad bit darker than usual I'd say. Please forgive me guys, I'm sure everything will end up alright. Hope you enjoyed another eventual update! Depression can't help me draw but it sure can make me write!**


	5. Chapter 5

Super pretty? Check. Sexy lingerie? Check. Everyone gone and out of the house? Check. I have a nice incense burning right now, adding to the room's mood. A box of condoms sits on my nightstand, new and ready to be open. If luck is on my side, we'll use half the box this weekend.

Now all that's left is to wait for Sir Sexy himself, and heaven knows when he'll arrive. As hot as Gabe may be, he tends to always run late. Hopefully, he's not giving another puppet show. Sometimes I believe him and his puppets are in a better relationship than us. Which is probably true, considering how much of an odd fit we both are. His attitude can prove to be rather upbeat compared to my more pessimistic outlook. I can't help but wonder about why he's with me half the time, each romantic interaction between us can feel forced. It's like he's afraid to give me a kiss. I wonder if things would've been different with someone else, like Dipper. We had actually been together for a few weeks before his death. It had been rather brief, we never kissed or anything but it still somehow felt more real than any relationship I've had since then.

When the twins came back to Gravity Falls they had phones and were ready to add everyone they knew to their contacts. I was surprised when he sought me out to get my number. Sure, the two of us were probably on much better terms than I had been with anyone else in a long time, but it was still random. However, in the end I agreed and we spent the next year talking, allowing a spark to grow. He let me open up and talk about things, about the abuse my parents were giving me. Dipper didn't want to talk about himself. He didn't tell me anything.

I wish he would've told me. I could've done something. I had the chance to help him and I didn't. We were such a shitty couple. He didn't speak while I spoke for both of us. But both of us didn't mention that we were reaching some kind of relationship. We pretended not to notice how much we texted each other or sent stupid pictures, most of them with our tongues out and pathetic peace signs. No, it was just a completely normal thing to do with your strictly platonic guy friend. I think we were both in denial for awhile, we didn't notice how attached we got. No, what really did it was the accidental "I love you". That's when we didn't talk for a week until deciding we wanted to be together. Once he got back to Gravity Falls we hung out in my room in secret. Mabel didn't ask where he was and I think his Grunkles were just glad he was out. Maybe they didn't even know, I wouldn't be surprised if he never told them. He told me that I was his greatest mystery, which sounded romantic at the time but I now see how it makes no sense. Actually it made no sense at the time either. Dipper didn't realize how big of a mystery he was to me. How much I wish I could've known and how much I didn't. All we really knew is that we liked each other. We usually watched some horror movie together or explored my house. We didn't need to do anything like sex or kissing. We just kinda needed each other.

Then he killed himself. And I was the last to know because I wasn't a friend to the Pines, or at least not that they knew of. It was all my fault, I couldn't help him. I never even knew. Mabel, barely let me help her. She just stood there, lost in her mind while I attempted a conversation. If only she knew how lost I was too. How I still am lost. But no one will know. Ever.

A month ago, I started dating Gabe. At first it only started as an attraction, compared to Dipper's darkness, Gabe was bright. For a mourning teenager, you couldn't seem to go wrong with him. At least I was doing better than some people. Not much, but still. In fact, we waited for our first time. Instead of doing it in the back of a car or something cheap like that I was determined to wait until my house was unoccupied by any adults. He didn't seem very fond of the idea at all, I was unsure of whether or not it was because he wasn't interested in having sex or if he just wanted to fuck and be done. Either way, we still were waiting. And finally, the night had come.

Laying down on the bed, I scrolled through the apps on my phone. It's getting a bit late, still a big surprise for someone like Gabe who was still wasting my time. An hour slips away, followed by another and I slowly find myself drifting off. My dreams consist of past memories, the few that were actually happy. These dreams are very rare for people like me. People who deserve eternal darkness and no hope. You, Pacifica Northwest, are undeserving of your life. You are worthless and unknown. Those who are aware of you, fear you. You scare the shit out of people. You are shit.

The only things I hear is my voice, screaming loudly at my pathetic self. I could've done something but I didn't. I never let him speak about his pain or suffering, I never knew anything and I can only blame myself for that. Why are you so worthless Pacifica? Your fake blonde hair and pretty blue eyes can't help anyone, don't you know that? You should know by now how everything you do is useless in the end, how you're useless in the end. Shadows move around me, making small attacks. They pull at my hair, my clothes and shove me around. You can't do shit Pacifica. You just have to let them tear you apart. That's what you're used to right? Being torn apart? I mean, it's been done throughout your entire life anyways. What would be the big deal now? It wouldn't be. The shadows have stopped their petty fight. They're preparing for something bigger, they grow in size and their eyes glow. Sharp claws caress my face, leaving scratches. One whispers into my ear, and I tear up in response. _Die._ The others slowly surround me into a tight circle. Each takes their sweet time, sauntering up to me, cutting me with their claws and suggesting for me to kill myself. The cuts get deeper and the blood starts falling more and more. The shadows enjoy my blood, they want to see it spill. I almost want to see it spill myself. I deserve it don't I? I fucking deserve to die like the piece of shit I am. I don't deserve to live. It's useless. I'm useless. The shadows don't care about being graceful anymore, they use their teeth to bite me and their claws to scratch me. The words still slip from their lips. Another kill yourself sends a painful shock. It hurts.

 _Kill yourself. Die. Kill yourself. Die. Do you think you deserve any kind of happy endings Pacifica? That you are a good person? Like that'd ever be true. You are a pathetic, worthless slut. People like you don't get happiness. They just don't. So why do you think you're so special? Because sweetie, you're not. No, you are just another rich bitch, who thinks she can get through life being better than anyone else. Another person who goes to hell. Which is where you'll be in a little while. Have faith darling, it'll end soon. Then you can be happy. Really….death is the only way. So why don't you just end it all now? C'mon, kill yourself. Die. Die. Die._

My door is knocking. I should answer. It could be important. _Kill yourself._ I rise, and my feet touch the floor. It's cold. Almost refreshing. I throw on a robe and tighten it. Looking into the mirror, I can see how awful I look. Bags are under my eyes, my very red eyes. Blonde hair is messy and out of place. _Sad that you don't look pretty? I would be too with that face._ I wipe away tears that threaten to spill and make my way towards the door. Whoever's here is quite persistent seeing how they haven't stopped knocking.

Opening the door, I'm greeted by Mabel Pines. _She hates you._ Her attire...is interesting. She's just wearing sweatpants and a tank top. The brunette also happens to be barefoot. However, it's her smile that's the most frightening. Her eyes are unblinking, giving her a slightly crazed look. Out of all the times I've seen her this Summer, she actually looks happy.

'Hey Paz! Can I come in?" "How did you get into my house?" She shrugs, "Oh the door was unlocked." "...are you high?" She laughs and pushes herself inside, "Not unless you count high off life!" The girl plops herself down onto my bed. "So how have ya been? Good? Ya sure don't look good." Mabel laughs again, "I'm fine...how about you? I don't think anyways seen you this happy in a long time." _She's happier than you._ "Oh, y'know. Just time to move around." I sit down next to her, "What do you mean?" "I've been thinking 'bout going back to Piedmont for a lil bit. Might cause some peace around here." She goes silent, as she stops bouncing on the bed and looks at me. "Paz...I really messed up. I...kinda had sex with Gideon." "You had sex with Gideon?" Mabel looks away, "Sure did. That's something you can't forget and not for any good reasons either." Her eyes are watery as her hand grips onto my blanket. "Mabel...are you okay?" "Are you?" _No._ "I'm fine." She laughs and turns to me, "Oh for fuck's sake Pacifica. I've been around depressed people for how long? And you expect me not to pick up on these kinda things? I'm stupid but I'm not a dipshit. So are you okay?" _No._ Her hands rest on my shoulders, she smiles slightly. "C'mon Paz. Are you okay?" I cry in response. I'm pulled into a hug as I just sob uncontrollably, after a minute she joins as well. We both become sobbing messes, with tight grips on each other. It feels nice.

After an hour we both calm down, "So why are you going to Piedmont?" "Well it won't just be me. I've been thinking that you should come too." I chuckle, "Why? Because we both just cried in each other's arms?" "Nah dude. Cause chicks like us gotta stick together. I mean, I'm shit and you think you're shit so I think we'd work well." "Work...well?" "On my mission!" "Mission?" "Yep." She doesn't say another word but takes off her backpack. Pulling out a few things, she hands a book to me. "What's this?" "Journal Number 3. Part of the reason Weirdmaggen happened. Dipper was pretty obsessed with it. We're gonna use it for a mission." "Yeah, still no idea about this mission." The book is ripped from my hands. The teen shifts through pages and stops when she sees a particular one. "...raise the dead?" "Yeah." "Still not following." "Ugh….Paz it's so simple. We are going to Piedmont, where dear ol' bro is buried." "And when we get there we just say hi to your parents?" She's very unamused by that. "Ha. Ha ha. Noooo, we are going to...drumroll please….RAISE THE DEAD!" "Mabel we cannot raise the dead! Have you consider the fact that zombies would be wandering around California!? Do you want The Walking Dead to become our reality? Because I do not! What if they scalp me!? What if blonde hair is the new currency of the future?! There is actually nothing good coming out of this!" "Relaaaax. We can kill 'em. All but Dipper. We'll just lead him around on a little leash." 'Oh wow...that's so plausible. Two teenage girls are gonna raise the dead then kill them all except one!? This seems like much more trouble than it's worth!" "We get Dipper back! Who cares about the rest of it, we just need Dipper! He can fix us." "Mabel-" "C'mon Paz...you know you want him to fix us. And he can. But only if we bring him back." "...are you sure he'll fix me?" "Of course he will. That's what he did. He can even fix you first if ya want." We look at each other. Her eyes are convincing, convincing enough to make me help her.

"So...are ya in?" "I'm in."

 **Ello! We have reached the end of another chapter and now the plot is finally starting! And the lovely Pacifica has entered, thank God, we will now have one sensible person on board….'parently ain't too sensible though am I right? I'm so funny. No I'm not. I'm sorry. Has a good day and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks ya for reading!**


End file.
